This is What Happens If
by MindSpring
Summary: Link starts talking in IM. Zelda faints, Captain Falcon screams like a school girl, Snake hides under his box, and more! Warning- do not read if IQ is above 80. If it isn't, please read and review! T for language. POTTY MOUTH SMASHERS! Please review!


**This is what happens if MindSpring had an insane sugar rush caused by Otis Spunkmeyer cookies, prolonged by a geometry quiz, and encouraged by friends also on the same sugar rush.**

**Yes, this was a sugarcrack fic. **

**I realize that this is a **_**slightly**_** different tone than my other one-shots. Don't sue me for it! I just wanted to try to write comedy!! *runs away and hides***

* * *

It was just a normal morning in the Smash Mansion.

Everyone was sitting in their assigned seats (assigned after a particular bad practical joke on Roy's part), and eating their favorite breakfasts.

Peach was eating, take a guess. Starts with a 'p', ends with a 'ch'.

…Time's up!

A plum-ch!

Across the table, Ganondorf was eating his favorite cereal, Evil-O's (evil plushie toy included).

Marth was nibbling on some French toast.

Ike was chowing down on American bacon, Canadian bacon, Nigerian bacon, and Czechoslovakian bacon. PROTEIN!!

Ness switched Lucas's breakfast Hot Pocket… for something else.

Pointless chatter and small talk filled the air. What also filled the air was an air biscuit of Wario's. He was moved to the dunce corner.

Out of nowhere, Zelda tore into the room and yelled, "LINK HAS LOST HIS MARBLES!"

Ganondorf muttered under his breath, "He already lost his marbles when he decided to wear those tight tights." He took out an evil fluffy lamb plushie from the box of Evil-O's. "Score! Now I have all thirty-seven!"

He received a blow to the back of the head by Wolf.

Peach was trying to calm Zelda down. "Shh, shh, it's all right. How has he lost his marbles?"

"Ipiq8u43e7wasdop-q031a'][_{0-10p 9opkj!!"

"Uh…"

"Don't you get it?"

"…Yeah, I'm gonna have to say no…"

Zelda did a dramatic faint, complete with the hand thing to the forehead, "He's speaking in IM!" She landed in Peach's arms.

**_-Insert dramatic gasp from Smashers here-_**

Luigi fell out of his chair.

Captain Falcon did a little schoolgirl scream.

Peach dropped Zelda.

Samus broke the table in two.

Mario started to curse in Italian.

Wario let another one rip.

Snake hid under his box.

Lucas ran to the bathroom.

"Diarrhea Poockeet…" sang Ness.

It was silent for a few seconds. Then they all heard someone skipping… and 'lalalala-ing'… and Link walked in the door.

He flashed cheesy smile and 'peace' sign. "wuz up guys?"

"Uh… hey, Link…"

"omg hey peach luv ur hair 2day."

"Um, okay…"

Meta Knight leaned over to Lucario and whispered, "I think Link turned gay, too…"

Lucario stared at him. "He wasn't before???"

"…"

Link continued blabbering away while everyone else nervously finished their breakfasts.

"lol zel ur so funny, u qt! 3!"

"You scare me, Link."

"rotfl!"

"Really. I'm about to run away screaming."

"lmao!"

"…" Zelda sat down and started beating her head against the table.

"So, Link… why are you talking like this now?" Peach asked tentatively, trying and failing to get Zelda to stop.

He paused in the middle of slurping his orange juice. "?"

"She means, why are you talking like a retard?" Snake's head reappeared.

"DIAF!"

"What? That doesn't even make-"

"4COL!"

"Link, what the hell is-"

"420!"

"Okay. That's it! Gay boy dies NOW!"

"AFAICT, no im not!"

"WHAT ARE YOU SAY-"

"god ur such a BAMF!"

"…"

"Snake, I think he just called you a woman."

-_**INSERT MADLY SCREAMING MERCENARY TRYING TO KILL A HYRULIAN HERE- **_

--Half an hour later---

Zelda sipped her tea, smiling.

Snake was doing yoga in the corner, calming down.

Ganondorf was stroking his new evil bunny, much to the amusement of Peach and Samus.

Master Hand floated in. "Did I hear screams of pain…?"

"Nope."

He floated out again.

Meta Knight said, "I think that turned out well."

Zelda agreed at once, and added, "Snake, I'm so proud of you for not killing Link."

Snake nodded and switched to tree pose, exhaling.

Link was duct-taped to a chair.

In Siberia.

* * *

**DIAF-Die in a fire **

4COL- For crying out loud

420-Marijuana

AFAICT-As far as I can tell

BAMF-Big *** mother ******

**Yepyepyep. Sugarcrack fic! Hope this made you laugh! RANDOMNESS!!**


End file.
